September 20, 2008


My cavalier attitude sometimes leaves people with the impression that I am superficial, or uncaring. That is extremely far from the truth.

When you've lived my life, and when you're as smart as I am, it is completely impossible to ignore what is important. I know whats right, I know whats wrong. I know what counts, and I know what doesnt. I am very sensitive and I feel feelings very deeply. I'm an old soul, and deep down I love people. I am very frustrated by the common faults of current day 'mankind'. I'm frustrated with the indecent behaviors that are considered normal and appropriate. I am angry about what people hold in high regard. I am angry about the way people torture eachother.

Real 'uglyness' can only be found on the inside. Having lots of money and fame does NOT make you important, in the grand scheme of things. Compassion is cool, selfishness is not. Being power hungry is sick. Your instinct should be to HELP, not to WATCH. It's not funny when bad things happen to other people. war IS wrong. Things DO matter.

My career in the 'adult industry' is not to be looked down on. What I do is important, because what I do is make people FEEL GOOD for a moment, in this less than savory existence.

My current mood is best expressed in this live performance of 'Five Years' - David Bowie:

Pushing thru the market square, so many mothers sighing
News had just come over, we had five years left to cry in
News guy wept and told us, earth was really dying
Cried so much his face was wet, then I knew he was not lying
I heard telephones, opera house, favourite melodies
I saw boys, toys electric irons and T.V.'s
My brain hurt like a warehouse, it had no room to spare
I had to cram so many things to store everything in there
And all the fat-skinny people, and all the tall-short people
And all the nobody people, and all the somebody people
I never thought I'd need so many people

A girl my age went off her head, hit some tiny children
If the black hadn't a-pulled her off, I think she would have killed them
A soldier with a broken arm, fixed his stare to the wheels of a Cadillac
A cop knelt and kissed the feet of a priest, and a queer threw up at the sight of that

I think I saw you in an ice-cream parlour, drinking milk shakes cold and long
Smiling and waving and looking so fine, don't think
you knew you were in this song
And it was cold and it rained so I felt like an actor
And I thought of Ma and I wanted to get back there
Your face, your race, the way that you talk
I kiss you, you're beautiful, I want you to walk

We've got five years, stuck on my eyes
Five years, what a surprise
We've got five years, my brain hurts a lot
Five years, that's all we've got

+++++ UPDATE:

I posted the above in my myspace blog, also, and a very wonderful person made THIS comment:

all i can say is wow.

I am sitting here a hospital bed because I was jumped the other night
by people that just wanted to hurt some one else.
about ten minutes ago
I had completely lost all faith in humanity.
it seems like every one is out to satisfy
there own desires and at the same time they want to crush the ones that are genuinly
good at heart.
this is a really shitty world lately and maybe it a mixture of my broken ankle
and the vicodin talking but In such a hate driven society, I guess its really kind of nice to find
find genuin souls like the ones you talk about in your blog. Keep up the good fight and thanks for being out there.

your friend


that is amazing. I am really fucking touched. no words.

and now, for some comic relief:

Japanese wrestlers are fucking awesome! Check the lovely rump rider Dino, who likes to sit on faces, and grab that dick! He's so awesome... his character is... a... homo! And its great!


Dino vs Akira: (you've gotta watch!)

thank you MR MIKE CAMNITZ for telling me about 'em ;>

09-11-2008 14-24-36

visit my MoBlog to see my mobile phone pics ;>

this was me and Joe's dindin last night. a place cheese, nuts, vegetables, dressing, and melba toast to split. this is how you eat!

I got dressed up in this punked out outfit for one of my special 'clients' Jason... he sent me the gloves... he has a thing for getting his bum kicked by bad ass hotties wearing lots of spikes. ;> I make him special fetish videos... he spoils me..excellent.

09-18-2008 16-48-04

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