January 31, 2003

the funeral was fucked up and painful. I can't stay at my parents right now. My step brother who I havent seen in years is coming tomorrow so I hope to get back in time to see him.

January 30, 2003

well. I'm home to get clothes for the funeral. I have been home since yesterday. I threw myself into some maintenance around here on the site while I've been home to take my mind off of things.

My mother died in my arms. One of the last things she said was she whispered "I love you" in my ear a few mornings ago. Joe and I have been shooting up all her dillaudids... it's the only comfort we have.

This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I am very hopeless feeling. I just don't know about a world without my mother in it. She was the most beautiful person there's ever been. EVER.

I'm going back for the funeral tomorrow.

January 26, 2003

oh god. I got the call. the chaplin was there. my mom is unconsious. Im going to stay until the end. dont know when ill be back online.

pray for me and pray my mom goes to heaven, please.

January 6, 2003

My mom came to town today and I went out with her. I had to hold her up everywhere we went. She's getting so weak. I feel like I'm getting weak with her. She's doing everything she can for everyone around her before she goes. Buying everyone presents, and trying to tell them thing's she's learned from her life.

All I can do is cry anymore. I'm wondering if I should put this site on hold or something.

January 4, 2003