Like a Pony : JessieKitty.org's Personal Blog

I have something to say. and Im all fucked up.

I keep having these wretched flashes of flossing my moms teeth and yelling in her face cause she was kind of in a coma and I didnt know if she could hear me or not and like from the very back of her throast I haerd her squeeze out "l luhh you too" and that will like never leave my fucking retinas man. I mean why did she have to go out like that, if at all. you know what I mean? she was only 53.

She was so beautifuly kind and loving. She was an angelic human. And I had to watch the fucking blood collect as gravity pulled it while she layed there dead waiting for the people to take her away. I was fucking holding her hand and screaming no while she was dying. I could tell she was by the way she started breathing all fucking up. it only took like 30 seconds. I had been sitting at her bedside for like a week beforehand.

I was shooting all her dillaudids up. I was like heavily fucking addicted to dope and prescription dope at the time. dillauidids were BETTER than the fuckin heroin. I was doing so much of it. I was shooting up a pill or two every fuckin half hour and shit. I was hoping I'd die with her. I should have died with her. I think I was supposed to.